November 10th, 2006
|02:59 pm - Ask me how do I feel now that we're cosy and clinging...|
A friend of mine from HS AIMed me to tell me she's pregnant. She's been struggling with infertility since before I was married. They told her she could never get pregnant naturally and the IFV hasn't taken and the drugs really wacked her out. Robin The Midwife has been telling her nearly as long, as gently as she could, that her doctors are a bunch of a pathetic idiots, but she doesn't take hints well.
Anyway, said idiot doctors have no idea how she was able to get pregnant. This surprises Robin The Midwife not a whit, as (see above) she believes the doctors in question are idiots.
Part of me feels sorry for her. Because now it's up in the air what happens. She's had health issues are her life, her whole family is riddled with them and chances are good her child will have them too. Part of me feels jealous. Although, G-d knows, she's waited for this than I have, but it's not a rational feeling. Most of me is REALLY really happy for her. She's wanted this for so long and she and Andy (her husband) are good people and they deserve to get the things they want, particularly when it's a sort of unselfish request in the general scheme of things. I know childfree people tend to think of having children as selfish self-propagation, but I've generally viewed it at a selfless act of giving of yourself. (Obviously there are exceptions, but luckily most of my friends who are parents don't fall into the exceptions class.)
HR is still running things through legal, but health insurance provider is saying that because they're not based in this state, they aren't subject to the law requiring them to provide infertility benefits. Part of me, the part that thinks the world rotates around me, thinks that I had to hear my friends news and this news on the same day just in case I was feeling hopeless and finished. I can't be truly destroyed if I've given up. When you don't have hope, you don't have crushing despair. And what fun is it to torment someone who's incapable of deep emotional response.
World: Oh, we're definitely not covering infertility benefits. So we won't pay to help Dr. Quack get you pregnant.
Me: That's okay. You know, I'm not really sure I want children anyway. I'm afraid of the world. It's scary and there's too many things out there I can't protect them from.
World: Oh, but did we mention that your buddy who was classified as infertile is now pregnant unassisted.
Me: But...! That means I could get....
World: But you won't. But you could. But you won't. But you could. And that's the way we like you. Just a little pathetically off-balance. Our work here is done!
Me: You can't leave me like this!
World: Yeah, we can. That's the beauty of it. Ciao.
Current Mood: cynical
Current Music: Lou Gramm - Midnight Blue
I can not believe that because your health insurer is out of state that they don't have to provide the services mandated by law in Massachusetts to their customers who live in Massachusetts and work in Massachusetts. What kind of evil loophole is that? I'm thinking that there is a legal way to make them do it or else cheap companies all over Massachusetts would be buying cheap crappy insurance from out of state that doesn't cover anything that we Massachusetts residents should be getting.
I know some miracle pregnancy stories that are hard to believe but true. Anything can happen, but sometimes it doesn't. Why me? Why not me. Life happens and doesn't happen and we never have complete control and we just have to go on...not give up, just go on.
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes well you just might find
You get what you need
I didn't get what I wanted. And it sucks.
How annoying is that~!
That's what Lanna said too. 8-)
Almost word-for-word too.
HR has not given up the fight. They are still investigating, and I agree, it seems peculiar and counter-intuative.
When I came home and told hoppie what the insurance company said, he replied with, I wonder if our Attorney General would agree.... So there's another idea. I can always call the state and send them off advocating. That is what I pay them for, right?
related question: what happens if you go on Hoppie's insurance?
His insurance, also CA company, has identical coverage.
but given how his company has a huge presence in Massachusetts, I'm sure they've confronted the fertility question of health insurance before.