September 21st, 2004
|04:58 pm - First stop: Philadelphia|
|The University of Blogging|
Anyway, so the trip:
So we set off on our trip at 9:30. We stopped and got money and mailed some bills off and then went into Boston to Kupels, the uncontested leader in deliciousness of bagles to pick up a half dozen bialis for my grandmother (and maybe another half dozen for us.) Oooh, and a holiday magnet, which is still packed somewhere and I'm going to need that for Friday. There was el zilcho parking, so parked on a side street and left hoppie in the car (his choice, pretend to be surprised) while I ran around between the bookstore and the bagle place. They only had 10 bialis, so we bought them all, and a couple of sammitches for the road, and off we went.
(for those of you who like that sort of thing: 90W (Mass Pike) to 84W through CT into NY then 684S to 87/287W to the Garden State Parkway to the New Jersey turnpike to the Pennsyvania turnpike to 611N to my aunt's.)
We pulled into my aunt's place around 4:00. My great uncle Moshe was sitting on the front porch, looking identical to when I used to pull up at the moshav. Talk about people who have changed not a bit. So I greeted him in Hebrew, then introduced Tom in Hebrew, and then for the next 10 minutes, I spoke English to Moshe and Hebrew to Hoppie because I was so confused. I'm not used to conversing in two languages anymore, if I ever was.
Then we went inside and caught up with Osher a bit. She is taking a soft option, culinary arts vocational.
This is going to sound totally asshole, I think, but it's not meant that way. Do adopted kids have less opportunities and skill development than kids raised in their biological household? I recognize that not everyone is created equal, but it seems to me all the kids I know presently who have been adopted (about 10, not a huge number) are not bound for college and careers in the white collar industries: no software engineers, no accountants, no idea guys, strictly manual labour, even if it is elite labour like cooking. Is there something that causes this? Are the expectations of the adoptive parents lower for adopted children? Do not having parents in those formative years rob the children of something essential that's necessary to inspire them to continue on to higher education? I'm not one of those people who believes everyone has to go to college. I'm not even one of those people who believes that all intelligent people go to college, I'm just wondering why only a few of the non-adopted children I know elected to not go to college and all of the adopted children I know elected not to. Is it another red-herring, like the republicans and their creamy peanut butter?
Anyway, she's doing good. She made lunch for us and we caught up on current events. Her brother Ben is in Israel biding time until he goes into the army. I think he'll do fine there. He's got a head for strategy and he understands how important army service is. Then my aunt and uncle came home and we caught up for a bit. Had lunch, then uncle and great uncle went off to help my uncle pick up some fans for a client's house, and Roberta and Hoppie talked downstairs while Osher and I tried to make sense of my aunt's computer. Then came down, talked to Roberta, took more photos. Osher showed us her uniform and then we were off.
Current Mood: accomplished
Current Music: Lexx - "Finale" (A Good Way to Die)
|Date:||September 21st, 2004 04:56 pm (UTC)|| |
When I was growing up, I knew one family with three kids: two were adopted, the third was not (the last one was the "little surprise", the couple thought they were infertile).
I was friends with the eldest child. She really had it together. Her (adopted) parents gave all of the kids every opportunity. My friend went to college and is now a high school teacher. The second child (adopted) rebelled in a bad way, starting in the (I am not making this up) first grade. He ran away from home several times. This was in the age before mental health care was so evident. I don't know what happened to the middle kid, but neither my friend nor the mother will acknowledge him in conversation. I figure either he died (and they won't talk about it) or he's a criminal. No, he never went to college. If he is alive, he's probably in jail.
The last kid did go to college and (last I heard) is doing fine. The mother is a college professor, the father a manager at some company. The problems with the middle kid ended up severing them apart. Regardless of college options, what influence does adoption have on a marriage?
Of the adopted kids I know and/or knew, all but one went to college, and that one actually applied and was accepted and was going to go, and then stuff happened. But I went to a school where not going to college wasn't really seen as an option.
I think your sample of ten adoptees that you know is skewed. Do any of these families you know also have non-adopted kids? Is there a difference in their college attendance? I think if you did a true survey you would find that plenty of adopted kids go to college. It probably depends on the kid. If they were adopted as a baby, I would expect no difference. If they were adopted as a young child or teen and came from a background where they experienced bad things prior to adoption, perhaps that would contribute to not going to college if they had a hard time adjusting from their adverse beginnings.
I also didn't differentiate between children with one adoptive parent versus two adoptive parents nor did I mention whether the adoptive parents themselves went to college, which would be an extremely important statistic, because we could then compare it to the number of biological children of non-college attending parents and you'd expect them to be close. There's no question that parents who attend college feel it's vital for their children to do so, and parents who didn't tend to be a more laid-back on the theory that they didn't need college to be successful and provide for their families, so why do their kids.
It is my considered opinion, on reflection, that my initial observations don't account for nearly enough variance. I mean what it really boils down to, is that I think these children are capable of way more than they or their parents seem to. Children seldom know what they are capable of, so we can discount that immediately. The next question for pondering is am I overestimating their abilities or are the parents underestimating them?