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Another nightmare - But here in my heart, I give you the best of my love.

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October 11th, 2004


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10:28 am - Another nightmare

Even before I walked into the auditorium, I knew what was going on. I knew and I didn't know, and I didn't know how I knew. Me and another girl were going to be suborned, if possible, raped, if necessary, and then married to preserve our reputations and secure our fortunes for the plotters. When we got into the auditorium she sat in the middle section and I sat on the left side. There were more people filtering in during this period, which surprised me. An assistant brought me a pill which she said was a vitamin but I knew was a drug. I wasn't sure whether the intention was to make me more fertile and increase the changes of getting pregnant or to make me less resistant to being raped, but I grabbed the pill and threw it down my throat and followed it quickly with a long swig from the water bottle, moving so quickly they didn't have time to notice I hid the pill in my sleeve. By the time they got around to checking my hands, and the floor around me to make sure I had actually taken it, I'd rolled it up discretely in the waistband of my skirt.
By this time there were quite a lot of people in the auditorium, although it was by no means full, and I was wondering why there were all these people, they couldn't be trying to rob them all of their inheritences, could they? In my hand was a solid metal, cordless, water pic. That was what I had to defend myself. The metal was cool to the touch. I kept rubbing my thumb over it, to assure myself it was there. I held it down so they couldn't see it. I knew I wouldn't get many chances to use it. The handle was oval shaped and terminated in a pointed hook.
That's all I remember.
I was scared, but mostly determined to fall into whatever traps they set for me. Even remembering it, I feel the same way. Nervous, but determined.
I did find determination in the dream dictionary, but it didn't seem to fit. I also found abduction which doesn't seem to fit. Part of the problem is that this dream wasn't a dream of action. Is the threat of rape and subordination the same as rape? It doesn't seem to fit, because I wasn't actually in that place. Ooooh, apparently toothbrushes (such as metal water pic, perhaps) have meaning. They represent feelings of defensiveness and worries about perception. Hrm. Now to stop thinking about my dreams and get back writing happy things.

Current Mood: tense
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