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From an album called Hysteria! - But here in my heart, I give you the best of my love.

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November 3rd, 2004

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08:28 am - From an album called Hysteria!

So hoppie came home last night. Very late. No phone call. So he wasn't surprised when I was furious.
He apologized.
Me: What for?
Him: Being late.
Me: (Fixing dinner) Oh, apology accepted. Anything else?
He starts telling me how his day was. After a while he asks if he can help with dinner.
Me: No, thank you. I've got it.
Him: What are we having?
Me: Doesn't matter. You don't get a choice. At 6:00, you might have.
Him: What if I like it anyway? You're not going to change are you?
Me: No. Because this is what I want.
Him: Well, I'm in luck then because I like it.
Long silence reigns as the cooking progresses.
Him: What are you mad about?
Me: I'm mad about what happened this morning. I'm your wife, a person, not a collection of sterotypes. What you said really hurt me.
More silences while he thinks about it. We eat dinner.
Him: I know you're a thinking democrat. That you listen and decide based on multiple inputs and don't irrationally judge. I know something you said caused me to say that. I just don't remember what.
I check my mental list of apology criteria: 1) The words "I'm sorry" or some varient (like "I made a mistake") appears. BZZZZ
2) Unconditional. (No excuses like "You made me" or "I'm just that way, you have to understand. (no, actually I don't. You're the one trying to get back on my good side, so you're the one who has to understand. All I need to do is decide whether I forgive you or not.)") BZZZZZ
Survey says, not an apology. An excuse. That's worse than an apology.
We discuss briefly the circumstances that led to his generalization.
Evening progresses. I realize that I'm both tired, and sick of being in the same room with hoppie. I decide to go to bed.
Him: Aren't you going to kiss me?
Me (from the laundry room) No.
Him: Why not?
Me: Still mad.
Him: But I apologized.
Me: No you didn't. What you did was look for a way to blame it on me.
Him: That wasn't what I meant! I was just trying to remember the circumstances that led up to the conversation so I could remember why I said it. I didn't mean to blame you. Just trying to figure out where I went wrong. I'm sorry.
Me: I forgive you.

So now you know how it all worked out in the end. And now that everyone thinks I'm the meanest woman on the planet for putting him through that, I think it's time to close out this entry.
I was about to put some sort of election related comment here, but when I got a look at the congressional numbers and decided that the next two yearas would be a good time to be barefoot and pregnant as that is obviously the direction this country is headed.
Current Music: Comfortably Numb-Pink Floyd-The Wall
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Date:November 3rd, 2004 11:04 am (UTC)
Just so you know, I think you were right about what happened with Hoppie, and I think you handled it well.

[User Picture]
Date:November 3rd, 2004 11:44 am (UTC)
Thanks. Hearing that helps. 8-)

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