awesome ultimate expert hen (mdyesowitch) wrote,
awesome ultimate expert hen
mdyesowitch

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Unusually bold


I did something really difficult yesterday and I'm sorta proud of it and afraid of it at the same time. I think it spawned my aforementioned dreams and my current gloominess (although some of it admittedly is attributable to Joanie's 1,2, and 3 fictions which create a progressively dark mood.).
I told hoppie that he had done something that upset me and clearly stated what bothered me. I wasn't hysterical or sullen, just matter of fact, if a bit hesitant. His first reaction was to argue with me, but then he apologised, and it was a decent apology. Not a "I'm sorry that you suck" or "I'm sorry, but you know it's really your fault." type apology.
What does it mean? Well, it might mean I've finally actualized the lessons I learned from my Dealing with Difficult People (hoppie isn't, but it's more tips for improving your personal communication than it is for changing other people.). But if that's the case, why the psychological reprecussions and lingering feeling of doom. By articulating my problem, instead of demanding he find and fix it on his own, does that mean I'm separating myself from him emotionally? From my dreams, one would think so. The images of remodling the house indicate the change in communication, but the moving into a new apartment signifies a breaking of old ways entirely. Although admittedly my room already had a bed and chest of drawers, so maybe I wasn't starting over, just cleaning up a bit? And the empty room to pray in, taking the idea of "the body is a temple" to a bit of an extreme, aren't we? Or an open mind is the way to G-d? I don't know.

I'd make this private, but everyone I know is my friend, so what the hell? Welcome to my mind, people. Don't get too lost.
Tags: dream, hoppie
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