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January 26th, 2005

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03:49 pm - A pair a rants

This is really my dad's rant, not mine. I've used the Gene Snyder freeway, a road connecting BFE to BFE, a grand total of about once. Normally my route takes me Louisville to Cincinnati, Lousiville to Lexington, or on rare occasions, Lexington to Cincinnati, and that really makes me feel like I'm broadening my horizons.
My father, on the other hand, has been complaining about the GS since it was named. He thinks Gene Snyder was one of the biggest crooks around, and leave it to Kentucky to immortalize him on a road. I tried pointing out that it's a road from nowhere to nowhere, but he's not into it.
For those of you not from KY, it may someday be the 265 outer outer loop around Louisville, but primarily it connects 71 to 64 somewhere just outside Louisville, where they are pretty near each other anyway. Gene Snyder, the aforementioned crook, was a Louisville native, who went to a snooty high school, went to UofL, got his JD, and eventually became a magistrate. I'd barely even heard of him when my father used to decry him, EVERY SINGLE TIME we'd pass the exit for the GSF on 71 heading to school, or to Reds games, or to King's Island, did I mention EVERY SINGLE TIME!
Now I don't know if snagglepuss2 has had the good fortune to ride the Watterson recently, but it's 8 lanes of shimmering concrete and is just about as sexy as you can imagine.
Now when I was in college, I always felt like ripping my intestines out with a fork when I had to come home during rush hour. When I was having the magical, mystery car ailment that caused my car to randomly accelerate and decelerate, I almost died on the Watterson by dramatically accelerating into heavy traffic. I ended up pulling onto the median, which in those days was an unbarricaded grass strip. Ironically, in the same situation now, I wouldn't really have anywhere to go, but, it's unlikely there would be standstill traffic on the other side of a blind hill, because they really don't get stand-still traffic much anymore.

You know that stuff, that if you breathe too much of it makes you pass out, and is highly combustible, and intensifies fires, and rots all the good, healthy food in my fridge. Oh, you know what I'm talking about, freaking oxygen! What's wrong with people that they have to add DANGEROUS CHEMICALS! to our water supply. And don't get me started on the subject of water. Not only does it ALREADY CONTAIN oxygen, they are telling us to add more and more to our bodies! Because you want to be "hydrated", see how they conceal their true intention by hiding behind the DoubleH part of water, but you can't get away from the fact that there's oxygen in there!
So you go to a normal place, like the Red Cross to do a kindly deed like allowing them to bleed you to help others, and they're all like "No! We can't take your blood. Not until you have more water in you." They don't say in words but what they mean is that they want me hopped up on oxygen. And then after I give blood, they're all like, "HAVE MORE WATER." which you and I know means more oxygen which just makes you a puppet of man. It makes you weak and indecisive, and utterly dependant.
You go into an airplane and they're all like, "In case we're going to die, have some oxygen!" Oh, you'll still die, but you won't really notice because breathing that pure oxygen will make you light headed and willing to accept whatever cruel fate has tossed at you.
If it weren't for oxygen, I would never have to worry about my lettuce browning, or my play dough hardening into an unusable clump. I hope you people think about that next time you're gloating over a beautiful day outside talking about how much you love that crisp, clean air which is just god's little IV dumping your daily dose of docility in your veins.
Or did you mean the Oxygen network for women, which a) is a stupid freaking name (Why not just call it what it is, "ChickFlix R US", or poorly written, ill conceived crap, that we convince ourselves that women will watch, because they're so desperate for entertainment. PWICC probably wouldn't fly as a name though), and b) something I've never actually watched. I'm not even sure what they show, except I think I heard that they were showing Ellen and Xena, Warrior Bimbo, which I hated. I used to think it was Kevin Sorbo (AKA Captain Nipply Chest, until I started watching Andromeda and realized I liked it. Now I've decided it's the freaking writing, I hate. The only character on those shows I like is Jockser, and the only reason I like him, is because I have a real soft spot for Ted Raimi.) Personally, I have a tough time sitting still through drama. If I want to watch overly dramatic scenes being played out for my amusement, I'll go to freaking work and talk to my coworkers. When I sit down to watch something that is supposed to entertain me; I want to see the things I can't get in real life: humour; somebody dying, preferably painfully; baseball; or Julian McMahon without a shirt. These are the things I look forward to. None of those things are playing on Oxygen. They only makes things that make you feel lightheaded and like you want to pass out. Come to think of it, maybe that's where it's got its name.

Doug brought me cookies. So I mentioned him in the blog.
If he'd brought solies cookies, solies might have mentioned him in the cool kids blog.
Current Mood: accomplishedaccomplished

(4 Represent the voice of the people | Request an audience)


Date:January 26th, 2005 09:20 pm (UTC)
My dad feels the same way about Adam Clayton Powell Boulevard. Everytime we end up in a car together anywhere in its vicinity I get to listen to a 30 minute rant on the subject. Fortunately that isn't too often.

Did you ever hear the story about the kid who circulated a petition trying to ban the dangerous chemical H2O? It was his science fair project. He presented a bunch of facts about this gas and got most of his town to sign his petition on that basis.
[User Picture]
Date:January 26th, 2005 09:34 pm (UTC)

no worries

"If it weren't for oxygen, I would never have to worry about my lettuce browning, or my play dough hardening into an unusable clump."

True. With no oxygen you wouldn't have to worry about anything oxygen-related or non-oxygen-related. No oxygen --> no worries --> no breath --> no brain --> no life --> peace without oxygen.
[User Picture]
Date:January 26th, 2005 09:38 pm (UTC)


Excellent rant on "O" you had! Looking forward to your fulfilling more rant requests in the future.
[User Picture]
Date:January 27th, 2005 12:07 am (UTC)
There is no highway system in this country (that I've driven on so far) that I HATE more than Louisville. ANYWHERE. Not even Boston or New York. Louisville drivers are extremely insane. They like to drive three across instead of passing, they like to wait until the very last second to get in the exit when there's no reason not to (I nearly died several times just because some asshole had to merge suddenly even though the exit line is half a mile long and well marked) AND they drive entirely too fast for the roads. The Watterson was a great idea, it's just too bad that no one understands it. As for GS forget it. My brother used to live in the southern section of louisville and basically we just said 'yer on yer own we're not coming to see you for fear of our lives'. Thank you very much. :) And try not to ever get off the highway 'cause you'll NEVER find it back again. Very scary. Mostly that's just downtown though :) See how you rate? Wouldn't drive through louisville for my baby brother but I'd do it for you ;-) Although, if your house had been harder to get to I might just have cried. :)

As for the Oxygen network..we took it off our favorites list, that and Lifetime. I refuse to watch that dreck. It's demeaning to women to even suggest that we enjoy those sappy whiny movies. :)

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