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August 28th, 2003

10:25 am - Speak fitly or be silent wisely
Elaine is fond of quoting the military saying, "All is well as long as the troops are complaining loud and clear. The time to worry is when all is quiet." I feel like my sincere comments have been met with derision and jeers. Don't look for further complaints. My heart isn't in it right now. I will do as I'm told quietly and efficiently. I'll be passionate on command, and otherwise passive.
Deviations may be met with deviations, or utter calm. I just don't know what else to do. This has moved beyond a state where I feel like I have any semblance of control. It's hard for me to tell how much is reasonable, and how much isn't? Am I having "I can't play calvinball the way I want so I'm taking my ball and going home," feelings? Or as I reacting to something real that feels very much like a betrayal, not of me, but of something else that I believed in, no matter how stupidly.
Or am I just rambling?
Current Mood: confusedconfused
Current Music: Various Artists - On The Shoulders Of Freaks

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11:29 am - Another exercise in futility
Just came back from a meeting which no one went to because the project head is on vacation. Nevermind the fact that there is another manager more than happy to run the meeting. It's all academic because no one is working on the project. Most of us are working on another project or two. Boris, Scott and I are all working on various aspects of an entirely different project, sadly none of them are working on my piece, they have Elaine. I have Joe. Who for the first time in ever answered an email. Jan is working with Don on another project (I think the aforementioned brain falling out project, except I don't think Don does that. I have no idea what they're working on.) and Steve is working on this project, but isn't in the building. We conducted the meeting mostly in Scott's cube with Jan listening in (ha ha ha) from the next cube over (Don's) where he and Don were working. Peter, summoned, came and stood with me and Boris and esteemed manager outside Scott's. Steve was on AIM and we communicated with him through Scott's fingers.

Not much was resolved.
Current Mood: frustratedfrustrated

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