January 13th, 2005

Fairytale Princess Amy

You can cry tough baby, it's alright. You can let me down easy, but not tonight.

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Hoppie is excited by the possibility of a month without travel.
I made bourbon, chocolate, pecan walnut tarts (in celebration (however belatedly) of my birthday.
Tomorrow is Lanna's last day, and I'll be missing it.
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Fairytale Princess Amy

The queen of tarts

And I have to share this story:
Solies: I see from your blog that the tart that I just consumed is composed entirely of bourbon.
Emma: Not entirely of bourbon. It's mostly chocolate. Also some nuts. And gobs of sugar and butter.
Solies: Will I be okay to drive home after work?
Emma: Oh, no, I don't think so. You'd better stay here for a couple of days until the bourbon works it's way out of your system.
Solies: (glares) I'm not a big drinker, you know. How much alcohol did you shove into me all unbeknownst to me?
Emma: You could pass a breathalizer test right now.
Solies: Really? It tasted very alcoholy.
Emma: I used 1/2 a cup of bourbon spread across 12 tarts and an approximately 9" pan. That's about 4 shots, of which you...
Solies pulls up a chair and calls Blinky
Solies: (To Blinky) You'll want to see this. Emma is attempting to do math.
Blinky: (heard through the phone) SQUEEEEEEE!
Emma: Now if you assume 16 pieces in the pie, and you subtract the amount I spilled when I was filling the tarts...
Solies: Can we just take it as given that I've had a fraction of a shot?
Emma: Yes, please.
Solies: No more math for you.
Emma: Math is hard.
Blinky: But funny!
Solies: Differential equations.
Takis: Hootie hoo!
All laugh
Fairytale Princess Amy

Queen of Tarts: Part II

Since I know you'll be missing me this weekend, I'm going to post QoT II and III today. If you want to ration them until I get back, feel free.
(Solies is skipping around the office and dancing.)
Me: You didn't really have enough bourbon to get you drunk, you know. You're in complete control and you're choosing to do this.
Solies: That's silly! Why would I choose to moon half the office. Hey! What happened to my login?
Disembodied voice: I'll teach you to moon your system administrator!
Solies: But I already know how to do that!
Me: And that's exactly what happened.
Solies: I'm never touching your bourbon pie again.
Fairytale Princess Amy

Queen of Tarts: Part III (ISO 9000 compliance)

(A crowd is gathered around the bourbon pie)
Crowd: Ooooh. Ahhhhhh.
Manimala: What are those?
Jan: Pecans.
Boris: Definitely pecans.
Me: Walnuts.
The crowd glares.
Me: What? I was out of pecans!
Boris: I don't think they are really walnuts. Are you sure?
Me: They came out of a big bag labled "Walnuts," I gotta think they might have noticed.
Boris: Ah. As long as it was clearly lableled.
Fairytale Princess Amy

Queen of Tarts: IV

Me: The locusts have nearly completed the conquest of the bourbon pie.
Solies: You call your coworkers locusts?
Me: Yes.
Solies: Well, that's fair.
Me: Skreech what are you doing in my office.
Screech: SCREECH!
Me: Have you been typing on my keyboard the whole time I was in that meeting?
Screech: SCREECH!
Me: I don't care if he doesn't give you enough screen time with his one post a day policy, this is my blog. Solies! Fetch your monkey!
Solies takes the skreeching monkey away
Me: (calling after him.) And I'm not paying you for these posts, either!
Solies: SCREECH!
Me: No, I won't pay royalties for use of your characters either!
Blinky: Moo mow 'im or taglines.
Me: Well, that's fair.
Solies: 5 cents, please.