January 28th, 2008

Mushu depressed

You give us strength in times of need...

I met Greg in 1990. I don't even totally remember how. It seems like it's always been. Like he's always been there for me. He walked into my life and immediately started providing all the things an 18 year old girl needs; wisdom, strength, character, morality, and money.

I remember how proudly we showed him off when he came to visit us in college. I remember how when I went to Boston that first time, a sophomore in college, first trip to Boston. First trip by myself as an adult, Greg and Gwydion wouldn't let me pay for anything. I tried. And Gwyd shook it off silently but with a smile, and Greg took me aside and said that he was proud and honoured to pay for things, but that, like everything in life, it comes with a price.

And he was serious and solemn as he told me the price he extracted for the favours, for the kindnesses, for the love he gave me with every breath. "When you're in a position, when you can, pay it forward. Give generously and open-heartedly to the people around you who need it."

I think I laughed, because when you're 18 and in college it seems like there will never be a time when you're an adult, a self-sufficient, employed, productive member of society.

"You'll get there." he said and hugged me. Because he always had faith in me. Even when I didn't have any in myself.

When he told me he was moving to Charlottesville, it felt like he might as well have told me he was moving to the moon. So far away. How was I going to be okay without him here, being my support? Now, it was time for me to supportive of him and his dreams, and his life. I questioned and cross-questioned him at every turn, and he said, "Marci, I have to do this. I have to know if Maya is the one. I can't do that from here. I need to be fully invested in."
"Okay." I said. And I stopped questioning and started supporting.

One morning, a few years back, I called Greg at 9:30 in the morning. He was surprised to hear from me. Normally we confine our calls to weekday afternoons (Greg has a long (boring) commute home.) And I said, "Are you free for lunch?"
"Uh, today?"
"Yeah."
"Where are you?"
"Just leaving DC heading to Louisville."
"And you couldn't have called me before to tell me."
"We weren't sure we'd have time to see you."
"Let me call you back. I'll see if Maya is free."

And she wasn't that time, but Greg met us for lunch near Maya's office and we went to see her afterwards. Afterwards we always tried to give them advance notice of when were randomly dropping in, because we did that. Sometimes we'd go down to them Charlottesville and sometimes they'd come up to DC. But always we made time for each other.

When we met, he was a big brother, older, wiser, supporting me. Our relationship evolved into a relationship of equals, each bringing our unique strenghts and merits. And if you find me wise, strong, generous, and open-hearted, you find me that way because of Greg. Because when my character was being formed, I had a friend, a mentor, a guide who showed me how to live in a harsh world and still give love, wisdom, and support in every sense of the word.

I love you, Greg.
  • Current Music
    Rodney Carrington "My Angel Friend"
  • Tags
Trust and Hope

Links

  • Current Mood
    confused confused
Kimber sad

But what of Earth?

Tom and I are still not quite with it. Tom's shocked to the core. I've never seen him look so lost. He just keep looking and me and saying, "But I don't understand, how..." "Why?" is my unasked question. We're just holding on to each other and practicing being strong for Maya. We're all so used to Greg being the strong one.
  • Current Mood
    melancholy disconsolate
  • Tags
grouchy latke

What I've been thinking

Since last night I've had these words from a Rodney Carrington show running through my mind:
Nothing in your life prepares you when you lose somebody like that, and that quick, and especially when nothing's wrong with 'em.
Kimber sad

Just so there isn't any doubt.

The Greg I keep posting about is gem from IRC. Former admin of garfield.mit.edu (for those old-timers who remember that)
The guy who was late to my wedding because he drove to and from Charlottesville in a day so he could be there.
One of the main reasons I felt safe and comfortable moving to Boston when I a stupid, green-as-grass college grad.
The guy who would call me on his way home from work a couple of times a month just to check in (and because long, boring commute, see previous.)
The guy who spent a lunch time once lecturing me on how to properly build a bomb. (There's useful knowledge! Thanks Greg!)
  • Current Mood
    discontent discontent
  • Tags
Eeyore with rain cloud (gloomy)

An update

I just talked to Maya and she's out of the hospital. They're not sure what they're doing for memorial service. Greg is going to be cremated and there may be memorial services in all the primary affected areas, his chuch here in Burlington, his parents' church in Philadelphia, and his home church in Charlottesville. The answer, we're not sure yet. Maya wants to talk to Greg's mother and get her input.

Maya's dress size is 26 W for top and bottom. And I forgot to ask for Faeryn's.

There's a paypal set up for donations and you can get more info on that from smcmullan.

I think that's everything we talked about. I did pass along regards from people who've asked me to. She said she'll try to call me later today, sometime after her phone has been recharged as she's running on low battery at the moment.
  • Current Music
    no music
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