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New product announcement. - But here in my heart, I give you the best of my love.

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May 25th, 2005


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04:15 pm - New product announcement.
Giggly Spokesmodel: What the hell is that ringing?
Announcer: That's HELLPhone! The latest in cellular technology. It rings in theatres. It rings on airplanes. It resists any attempts to turn it off. It evades ALL cellphone blockers. With HELLphone, you'll never be out of touch.
Mom: I used to have a hard time finding my teenage son, but with HELLphone, he never misses a call!
Announcer: That's right, HELLphone sends an electric shock to your body wherever you are. Simply program it with a drop of your blood, and you don't even have to carry it around. HELLphone will find you.
Sexy Salesguy: I used to have the worst problem with people stealing my cellphone. Now with HELLphone, I never have to worry.
Announcer: That's right. HELLPhone will kill anyone who steals your phone and suck their body dry for additional battery life. Finally, your loss is your gain!
Giggly Spokesmodel, Mom, and Sexy Salesguy We love our HELLphones!
Son: (Looking crispy) Love. HELLphone. (collapses)
Announcer: Moms, Dads, Children, and Businessmen all love the way HELLphone has changed their life. Buy them for the whole family. Buy them for the whole office. Buy them now! And ask about our special employee discount! You have nothing to lose...
Creepy Voiceover: But your souuulllllllll
Announcer:o lifestyle. Say, "Hello!" to HELLphone and, "Goodbye!" to dropped or missed calls, no coverage zones, and phone thieves forever!
Current Mood: gigglygiggly

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