awesome ultimate expert hen (mdyesowitch) wrote,
awesome ultimate expert hen

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Record smashing month

And so 72 is the new days to beat.

You know, in previous months, I've experienced a crushing sense of dispair or defeat when THE DAY came. These past three or four weeks of cramping pain have been so miserable that I find myself just relieved that, while the end of pain isn't here, at least I know it's only going to last for four more days. There's a definitive end.
I'm not fooling myself that pregnancy isn't uncomfortable either, but again, there's a definite end in sight and a goal that I can comfort myself with when the pain gets too much.
Cramping for weeks in advance of any other physical symptoms is a little like having a migrane that doesn't respond to drug treatments. There's just no way to know when it will end, and that's freaking depressing. 'Cause in front of you there's a fog of pain, and you're sure there is an outside, and endpoint, but you can't see it. You can't focus on it and tell yourself that if you can just make it through 1 more day, 2 more days, 8 more months, it will be over, and you'll be fine.
And that is the problem with chronic conditions. (I know the FM suffers will be nodding their heads.) It's not just that it's physically debilitating, of course it's physicially debilitating, it's freaking pain. It's going to hurt. That's the nature of pain. You can mentally prepare yourself for that. What you can't mentally prepare for is never knowing if it's really gonna stop hurting. That's emotionally crushing.
So at least that's done for a couple of months.

So what I'm really trying to say is that physically, I'm slightly more uncomfortable than I was yesterday, but mentally, I'm better.
Tags: natural process, rant, thoughts, tmi

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