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Record smashing month - But here in my heart, I give you the best of my love.

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May 17th, 2006

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09:07 am - Record smashing month
And so 72 is the new days to beat.

You know, in previous months, I've experienced a crushing sense of dispair or defeat when THE DAY came. These past three or four weeks of cramping pain have been so miserable that I find myself just relieved that, while the end of pain isn't here, at least I know it's only going to last for four more days. There's a definitive end.
I'm not fooling myself that pregnancy isn't uncomfortable either, but again, there's a definite end in sight and a goal that I can comfort myself with when the pain gets too much.
Cramping for weeks in advance of any other physical symptoms is a little like having a migrane that doesn't respond to drug treatments. There's just no way to know when it will end, and that's freaking depressing. 'Cause in front of you there's a fog of pain, and you're sure there is an outside, and endpoint, but you can't see it. You can't focus on it and tell yourself that if you can just make it through 1 more day, 2 more days, 8 more months, it will be over, and you'll be fine.
And that is the problem with chronic conditions. (I know the FM suffers will be nodding their heads.) It's not just that it's physically debilitating, of course it's physicially debilitating, it's freaking pain. It's going to hurt. That's the nature of pain. You can mentally prepare yourself for that. What you can't mentally prepare for is never knowing if it's really gonna stop hurting. That's emotionally crushing.
So at least that's done for a couple of months.

So what I'm really trying to say is that physically, I'm slightly more uncomfortable than I was yesterday, but mentally, I'm better.

Current Mood: lethargiclethargic

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[User Picture]
Date:May 17th, 2006 01:52 pm (UTC)
I can very much understand that. Having fibromyalgia I very much understand what you are saying.
[User Picture]
Date:May 17th, 2006 03:33 pm (UTC)
sending hugs your way.
[User Picture]
Date:May 17th, 2006 07:35 pm (UTC)
*hugs* I know what you mean..I think I've posted in the past about sucky cramp bullcrap and stupid late periods.

[User Picture]
Date:May 18th, 2006 01:00 am (UTC)
I could say that my pain is similar, except for the fact that I don't think it is. They're different conditions with different symptoms. I suppose the only similarity is cramping, and the intensity of the pain.

I just want to reach out and hold you though hon, and let you know that you're not alone. I'm sorry you have to go through this.

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