When my sister-in-laws got pregnant for the second time I thought, "Now that's just unfair." I don't even have one, and they get to have two." Not that I would trade my nephews for anything. I mean, I don't know Asher too well, but I love the little guy anyway. I hate that he's living in Florida which I otherwise have no excuse to visit. I wish he was in Kentucky where I end up going several times a year. But that's rather rambling.
I told myself this morning I would discuss some of what I was feeling, and I'm stalling.
First, the new insurance company we start with in January doesn't cover fertility treatments. Actually, ironically the reverse. They cover hysterectomies and vasectomies. They cover the feels for the initial consultation and diagnosis, but not fertility treatments themselves. Those bastards will pay for an abortion (less $150 deductable), but towards trying to conceive the kid, nothing. I guess only people who don't need any help are allowed to have children. If Dr. Witchdoctor Quack weren't such a self-righteous bastard, I could have been pregnant before my coverage vanished at the end of the year.
Which brings me to my next thought. With everything Nat is going through, maybe it's a stupid thing to want to have children. I'm not one of those defeatist worst-case-scenario types, but all this bad stuff, isn't it telling me something? I mean, I can't get pregnant on my own, even though there's nothing physically wrong with me or hoppie. I can't get help because it's insanely expensive and my insurance won't cover it. And if I did get pregnant, chances are my kid would die of brain cancer in three years anyway.
Okay, maybe I am feeling a little defeatist.
If you need me, I'll be over in the corner crying for a few hours.