November 2nd, 2006
|03:52 pm - Oh, you had to know this was coming!|
When my sister-in-laws got pregnant for the second time I thought, "Now that's just unfair." I don't even have one, and they get to have two." Not that I would trade my nephews for anything. I mean, I don't know Asher too well, but I love the little guy anyway. I hate that he's living in Florida which I otherwise have no excuse to visit. I wish he was in Kentucky where I end up going several times a year. But that's rather rambling.
I told myself this morning I would discuss some of what I was feeling, and I'm stalling.
First, the new insurance company we start with in January doesn't cover fertility treatments. Actually, ironically the reverse. They cover hysterectomies and vasectomies. They cover the feels for the initial consultation and diagnosis, but not fertility treatments themselves. Those bastards will pay for an abortion (less $150 deductable), but towards trying to conceive the kid, nothing. I guess only people who don't need any help are allowed to have children. If Dr. Witchdoctor Quack weren't such a self-righteous bastard, I could have been pregnant before my coverage vanished at the end of the year.
Which brings me to my next thought. With everything Nat is going through, maybe it's a stupid thing to want to have children. I'm not one of those defeatist worst-case-scenario types, but all this bad stuff, isn't it telling me something? I mean, I can't get pregnant on my own, even though there's nothing physically wrong with me or hoppie. I can't get help because it's insanely expensive and my insurance won't cover it. And if I did get pregnant, chances are my kid would die of brain cancer in three years anyway.
Okay, maybe I am feeling a little defeatist.
If you need me, I'll be over in the corner crying for a few hours.
Current Mood: end of the road/nowhere to go
It'll happen when it's meant to, and not a moment before.
And maybe that's never and I have to learn to come to terms with that.
You have no way of knowing, sweetheart.
I'm hoping to look back on this one day and think, "Wow. I was so melodramatic and it turned out to be so easy."
They're a California company.
I don't think it matters. For example, a California company has to recognize a same-sex marriage in Massachusetts, even though it's not recognized in California. Even if the insurance company is in Massachusetts, they must follow Massachusetts laws.
I'm not entirely clear from the text of the law whether it's applicable toMass-based companies providing insurance to people in or out of state, or Mass-based residents receiving insurance from in or out of state, or both.
I've bounced the text to our benefits coordinators, and I'm gonna bounce it to my dad too for a clear reading.
I'm sorry to hear that you are so down. Little ones are wonderful things. Don't give up!
I wish there was more than I could say than that.
|Date:||November 3rd, 2006 03:42 pm (UTC)|| |
Honey, I don't have magic words to say during your baddest of "bad patch" but I do pray that all goes better for you and yours. And soon. Like now.