awesome ultimate expert hen (mdyesowitch) wrote,
awesome ultimate expert hen

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Ask me how do I feel now that we're cosy and clinging...

A friend of mine from HS AIMed me to tell me she's pregnant. She's been struggling with infertility since before I was married. They told her she could never get pregnant naturally and the IFV hasn't taken and the drugs really wacked her out. Robin The Midwife has been telling her nearly as long, as gently as she could, that her doctors are a bunch of a pathetic idiots, but she doesn't take hints well.

Anyway, said idiot doctors have no idea how she was able to get pregnant. This surprises Robin The Midwife not a whit, as (see above) she believes the doctors in question are idiots.

Part of me feels sorry for her. Because now it's up in the air what happens. She's had health issues are her life, her whole family is riddled with them and chances are good her child will have them too. Part of me feels jealous. Although, G-d knows, she's waited for this than I have, but it's not a rational feeling. Most of me is REALLY really happy for her. She's wanted this for so long and she and Andy (her husband) are good people and they deserve to get the things they want, particularly when it's a sort of unselfish request in the general scheme of things. I know childfree people tend to think of having children as selfish self-propagation, but I've generally viewed it at a selfless act of giving of yourself. (Obviously there are exceptions, but luckily most of my friends who are parents don't fall into the exceptions class.)

HR is still running things through legal, but health insurance provider is saying that because they're not based in this state, they aren't subject to the law requiring them to provide infertility benefits. Part of me, the part that thinks the world rotates around me, thinks that I had to hear my friends news and this news on the same day just in case I was feeling hopeless and finished. I can't be truly destroyed if I've given up. When you don't have hope, you don't have crushing despair. And what fun is it to torment someone who's incapable of deep emotional response.

My life:
World: Oh, we're definitely not covering infertility benefits. So we won't pay to help Dr. Quack get you pregnant.
Me: That's okay. You know, I'm not really sure I want children anyway. I'm afraid of the world. It's scary and there's too many things out there I can't protect them from.
World: Oh, but did we mention that your buddy who was classified as infertile is now pregnant unassisted.
Me: But...! That means I could get....
World: But you won't. But you could. But you won't. But you could. And that's the way we like you. Just a little pathetically off-balance. Our work here is done!
Me: You can't leave me like this!
World: Yeah, we can. That's the beauty of it. Ciao.
Tags: natural process

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