awesome ultimate expert hen (mdyesowitch) wrote,
awesome ultimate expert hen

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Race for the weekend

The flurries have begun.

Hoppie's wireless mouse is wonderful. He may not appreciate the gifts I get him, but it's nice to know that I can. At least this time.

Rocker thinks I have wussy girl taste in music. We were listening to WMKK FM yesterday and I was happily singing along to all the schmoopy ballads. He drew the line at Bruce Springsteen's "Dancing in the Dark." which is fine, I much prefer the other "Dancing in the Dark" (Lights Out)

Those mental health arrangements I've been blathering about months? Finally committed to something. I have my first individual session (generalized, not bereavement) next week, and I'm expecting to join a 10 week group next week. The counselor who runs the session asked me if me and my nephew were close. I didn't know what to say. I sort of stammed and said, "I don't know." we would have been...eventually.

I wish I had the words to articulate how I feel. I wish, I can't imagine what Brian and Sissy are going through if I feel like this. Life just feels so empty. Even with all the blessings I have.

He asked me about my support network. I must have sounded lost and lonely because he assumed I wasn't married. I assured him that hoppie is a good source of support.

This could be a huge mistake. I might just walk away with a larger sense of "You have no right to be suffering." from people who've lost a parent or child and feel like I'm too far removed to feel the hopeless desolation of loss. [I know, quit being a drama queen. I'm tryin, honest I am.] But nothing ventured and all that. I know what optimum operating efficiency looks like for me and I'm no where near it, so I have to do something to get back to being me.
Tags: depression, electronics, friends, hoppie, music, tmi, weather

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