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Race for the weekend - But here in my heart, I give you the best of my love.

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March 16th, 2007

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01:21 pm - Race for the weekend
The flurries have begun.

Hoppie's wireless mouse is wonderful. He may not appreciate the gifts I get him, but it's nice to know that I can. At least this time.

Rocker thinks I have wussy girl taste in music. We were listening to WMKK FM yesterday and I was happily singing along to all the schmoopy ballads. He drew the line at Bruce Springsteen's "Dancing in the Dark." which is fine, I much prefer the other "Dancing in the Dark" (Lights Out)

Those mental health arrangements I've been blathering about months? Finally committed to something. I have my first individual session (generalized, not bereavement) next week, and I'm expecting to join a 10 week group next week. The counselor who runs the session asked me if me and my nephew were close. I didn't know what to say. I sort of stammed and said, "I don't know." we would have been...eventually.

I wish I had the words to articulate how I feel. I wish, I can't imagine what Brian and Sissy are going through if I feel like this. Life just feels so empty. Even with all the blessings I have.

He asked me about my support network. I must have sounded lost and lonely because he assumed I wasn't married. I assured him that hoppie is a good source of support.

This could be a huge mistake. I might just walk away with a larger sense of "You have no right to be suffering." from people who've lost a parent or child and feel like I'm too far removed to feel the hopeless desolation of loss. [I know, quit being a drama queen. I'm tryin, honest I am.] But nothing ventured and all that. I know what optimum operating efficiency looks like for me and I'm no where near it, so I have to do something to get back to being me.

Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Current Music: Elton John "I Don't Wanna Go on with You Like That"

(3 Represent the voice of the people | Request an audience)


[User Picture]
Date:March 16th, 2007 06:28 pm (UTC)
that's one thing I don't like about group therapy, looking around and knowing (or at least being convinced) that everyone else in the group is going through something worse than me and my problems are trivial.

One of the good things, on the other hand, is to find commonalities in a group. Understanding that someone is perhaps a year or two ahead of you in terms of when their grief-inducing situation happened, and learning from them.

As you can tell, I have mixed feelings about them. One way or the other, it will be a learning experience. And I am very proud of you for calling. (have I said that enough?)
[User Picture]
Date:March 16th, 2007 08:59 pm (UTC)
In your case, you may find that individualized therapy is more effective than group therapy. Give it a try and see what you think, and don't hesitate to corner the counselor and tell them what is and is not working for you.

*hugs* good luck! I'm proud of you for making the arrangements to go.
Date:March 17th, 2007 01:05 pm (UTC)
Grief is individual - even in a group. It matters not what other people think or feel. You have your grief, they have theirs. The point of the group is to learn, as others have pointed out, about the stages and commonalities. It's your grief - own it.

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