awesome ultimate expert hen (mdyesowitch) wrote,
awesome ultimate expert hen
mdyesowitch

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This dance ain't for everyone, only the stupid people...

When I'm upset, I tend to walk around with my filters off. Filters are those really wonderful things that generally keep you from staying stupid stuff. So I've been walking around, basically like a guy, saying whatever stupid stuff comes to mind.

But not everything that comes to mind is totally stupid...

Tom met me for lunch on Monday so I a) would eat and b) wouldn't have to eat alone. And I was telling him what a burden Greg's death puts on the rest of us. You always hear people say things like, "He was the nicest person you'd ever meet." and like anything else said with superlatives, that gets greeted with a healthy amount of skepticism. Well, I'm not generally given to superlatives. I'm not saying the Patriots are the GREATEST FOOTBALL TEAM EVA! or various other type things, but the truth is Greg really was the nicest person you'd ever meet. He was certainly the nicest person I've ever met. (and I can actually tell you who number 2 is, if you're curious, not that I rank people, but some people just rise to the top naturally, without any attempt on my part to assign order.)

If you called the majority of my exes and told I was dead, they'd be like, "Good. She's finally in hell where she belongs." I spoke to one of Greg's exes this week and the two of us sat on the phone and cried together and shared some of our favourite Greg stories. (Mine was the time we were sitting at dinner, and Greg looked at us eaten and said, "You're all lefties?" Well, Tom and I both are, and so is she, so, yeah. "I thought I was supposed to be the majority!")

Tom was saying that he was telling his coworkers about Greg and that he felt the same way: Greg was smarter than him, and taller than him, and he had a whole list of things that Greg had done better than he did and we both felt that sense of inadequacy that comes when you're step up to the next level and you're not sure you're ready. Are we going to be able to do enough good in the world to make up for the fact that Greg isn't here to do his own good?

This morning, I had a follow-up thought. A realization. It's okay if I'm like the ant. That I can only do as much good as I can do, although it won't hurt me to step it up a bit. I can be the ant, because like Annie Savoy said, "You get three ants together, they can't do dick. You get 300 million of them, they can build a cathedral." I look around at the outpouring of love and affection and realize that other people are thinking the same thing I am, that we've got to step it up and be better people to compensate for this loss and all I can think is, "Let's build something."

I was looking through Greg's lj for something and I came across this picture of Greg, Maya, and Faeryn.

And finally travel plans.
Here's what's going on in my wee little head:
The service is on Sunday, February 10th.
I'm thinking we go down there on Friday. Lori has a concert on Friday night, so Hoppie and I are thinking of saying with my friend's Nechama and Eliezer, which means quality child time, which should be a good distraction. Saturday night, we eventually pry ourselves away from Nechama and Eliezer and the kids (which usually takes several hours) and go to Lori's. Sunday drive down to Charlottesville with Lori and Janice (we're still working out details), and then Sunday night either we go back to Lori's or we stay with Maya, depending on what Maya needs. We can make that a game-time decision, I think. Then Monday we come back home and get back to planning a service up here.

And that's what we're thinking.
Tags: friends, hoppie, travel
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