awesome ultimate expert hen (mdyesowitch) wrote,
awesome ultimate expert hen

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Down with the randomness...

So ever since I sent the package on Monday, no, the other one, I've been worried about how it would be received. It should show up today or perhaps tomorrow. Today would be ideal. Then I'll know. Know what? An excellent question. I don't know. Know if there's anything salvagable here, I guess. (Edit In fairness, I don't know that there's actually anything wrong. It just feels like there is.) I keep telling myself it's stress, but I feel like this always happens. I'm not artificially creating or maintaining distance. I'm just me. I can't even say I make no apologies for being me, because I do. All the time. But it changes very little. In the end, I'm still just me. I try to compensate for being me by letting other people be themselves, but then how long can they possibly keep that up?
You're always sorry, you're always greatful,
You hold her thinking, "I'm not alone."
You're still alone.
You always are what you always were,
Which has nothing to do with,
All to do with, her.

This may be a shock to you, but I don't actually need your approval. You can stop bringing it up. I think it was a reasonable, if not sensible, decision, and it's done. You can keep whining about it, or move on. I haven't asked you to be a part of it. I won't ask you to be a part of it. It has nothing to do with you. It is, in point of fact, entirely separate from anything associated with you, except for where things hinge around me. This is about my development. You worry about yours. And I'll handle mine. Thanks.
You ask if I love you,
Well, what can I say?
You know that I do,
And that this is just one of those games that we play.
So I'll sing you a new song.
Please, don't cry anymore.
I'll ask your forgiveness,
Though I don't know just what I'm asking it for.

I feel like I'm back on the stupid pills. Slow and dull. That's me. In Frank news, The Howler is on track and I think we'll get out a first edition. Beyond that is anyone's guess, but it makes me happy.
I forgot our checkbook today which means if I get seduced by Pampered Chef products, I'll have to use my own money to buy it. Good thing I get paid tomorrow, right? Jill's sister asked us to bring rocker so she can meet him. Jill's sister is teh hotness (loyalty says Jill is hotter, but loyalty might be all it is. Eric, don't you say a word.) For those of you comic fans, hoppie think Jill's sister looks like Helen: Sweetheart of the Internet He's not too far off, Jill's sister has softer features. Rocker is not an impulsive guy, not like me. You can't call him up the same day and expect him to be available. He likes rigid, predictable structure. That's why he likes backups and Saturday night, because he knows what to expect. That's why it surprises that Wayne and Rocker don't get on very well. They have that in common too. Maybe it's some unspoken geek rivalry thing going on. I'm hurting for a mortal combat fix. I wonder if they have it for mac. (yes, I've never actually looked. I've never felt a psychological dependancy to hear someone say "finish him!"

Is that a cheat for a song lyric to summarize this section? Let me see if I can come up with another.
Day after day, I'm more confused,
Yet, I look for the light through the pouring rain,
You know that's a game that I hate to lose,
And I'm feeling the strain,
Ain't it a shame?

As you leave me please would you close the door,
And don't forget what I told you.
Just cause you're right, that don't mean I'm wrong,
Another shoulder to cry upon.

Are the HP-RPGs insanely incestuous? I feel like I'm the only one who doesn't know everyone because I saw one RPG and I joined it and I've kept myself to only that one. Our old new Sirius knew our old Sirius and had actual opinions on her play. Our new Alice knew the ex-moderators from other rpgs. Our new Sirius knows our old new Sirius as well as our new Lupin, and it seems other characters as well. There's whole history and backstories and conflicts that people have that I know absolutely nothing about. It's a bit, well, scary. I don't want to say anything untoward (so guard your tongue! Thank you inner Chofetz Chaim voice, but I don't mean insulting, just, you know, no, maybe you don't. I'm not sure I do either.) Just remind one in awhile I'm not a total social outcast because there's only room in my life for Frank. I could think about taking up a character in that other RPG they asked me to look at though.....Hoppie would kill first, I think. He complains enough about Frank, although, bless his heart, he is, in the main, supportive.
You call me from the room in your hotel,
All full of romance for someone that you met,
And telling me how sorry you were,
For leaving so soon,
And that you miss me sometimes,
When you're alone in your room.
Do I feel lonely too?
Tags: friends, music, rpg, thoughts

  • Wouldn't it be nice

    Hitting someone over the head actually did knock sense into their brains?

  • Welcome to another whiny Wednesday!

    Feel free to post your whines here. If you want, you can post them anominously.


    Slow down. Some of us can't keep up and I can't keep double and triple-booking my time! On a totally unrelated note, my time machine has burnt out…

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